Set Me Free
by Spader
Summary: Tanglewood will never go away. DL. Angst, Death, Drama.
1. Chapter 1

**Title** : Set Me Free, aka Tanglewood 3  
**Ship **: Duh……….Danny & Lindsay  
**Disclaimer** : Character's aren't mine. They belong to CBS and it's related affiliates. This is used to pass through the torrid drought of summer in which my water is that of CSI:NY

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In the dead of the night, the city slept. It was a clear night in New York, the stars shone brightly within the blue glow of the moon. The city line shone it's own stars, within the downtown core.

Within the city's cemetery, within the headstones and mausoleums there is a broken soul. The cries from this man, mourning for his love, shadowed by the songs of the night.

_"Till this day, my life was just turning around. Everything good was coming my way. You were the everything good. I'd never imagined anybody like you, would cross paths with me. You were the one of a kind. You've helped me like no other, you've reformed me, you've saved me, you've loved me. You are the salt of my earth._

_If I could've changed what had happened, I would do it over and over till the end of time._

_Instead, you're gone. You're gone because of me. You knew the risks, but you didn't care. You've made me think of things, that I would never contemplate thinking of in my lifetime. White picket fences, 2 dogs, bungalow in Jersey. See? Now you know. It's a shame that I couldn't ask you earlier. I was beating myself, waiting for the right moment to tell you. I wanted to ask you if you would 'Vorresti Sporsami?' "_

I stopped to think to myself, a small chuckle left my trembling mouth.

_"Hey…I guess I wanted to see if you understood Italian. You probably didn't. I wanted to ask you to marry me."_

The small smile flew away with the cotton floating through the graveyard.

_"There's nothing left for me here, this would just be easier. It's this, or I let them come finish me off. It's no use fighting. "_

Ever since that day, I've been coming here at lunchtime, after work, every chance that I could. I thought that I could move on, but my life has been deteriorating ever since.

Mac and Stella were extremely accommodating, giving me extra days off, lightening my case load.

But there was that constant reminder, the essence of you was everywhere. In the office your empty desk sat across from my own, our photo sitting prominently on mine. I kept thinking that you'd be walking through that door, proclaiming what new thing New York has that Montana doesn't.

I take off my glasses, rest them on the lush green grass at my knees just at the base of the headstone.

Lindsay's parents gave me the honor of writing her epitaph. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done.   
"Lindsay Anne Monroe. She loved life, put everybody else before her, beloved daughter, sister, kindred spirit, friend." I wanted to get it right, respect her memory of who she was. Was.

I dusted her headstone for one final time. I made sure that it was perfect.

I removed my dog tags, and draped them over the headstone. Wiping the tears from my eyes, and my now raw face so that I could see. I reach into my holster, and withdrew my weapon.

Closing my eyes, I empty my lungs and fill them deeply for the last time.

Turning off the safety, I load the chamber. Raising the muzzle to my head, I press the cold metal to my temple. My hand shaking, I put my finger on the trigger.

_"I'll see you soon Montana, I love you."_

BANG


	2. Chapter 2

**1 WEEK AGO **

"Wow. Now this is some party."

2 DB's were found the Four Seasons Hotel. It looked like a party taken too fast, too far. Very Belushi. It had been an extremely slow week, this being our 2nd case in 3 weeks. Now, that's a first in my career. If only it could happen more often.

"Whoa. Lindsay! Look here. This bottle, $2000. 5 of them! Now I know that the NYPD don't pay enough to let me afford a glass of this."

"Danny. You don't need to enjoy yourself with a $2000 bottle of wine. I'm quite content with your rendition of a London Fog."

Lindsay had been her gleeful self, she had really opened up herself since she told me about Jake. We finally took that step of starting a relationship, albeit trying to keep it quiet from the rest of the group. They didn't need to know, they didn't need anymore distraction.

Guess who knew? Without us even telling?

That sly dog, Hammerback. Good thing he knows how to shut up when he needs to.

We had been together for 3 months now, and everything was going well. I've never had a 'real' relationship before. I finally got off my ass after seeing her almost blown to smithereens, after the bombing that nearly claimed Mac and Flack's lives. Everything was falling into place.

We were taking it slow, doing it right. We made sure that it didn't affect our working relationship, with ourselves and the team. I wonder if anybody else suspected?

More-so, my application for Level 2 CSI had been long overdue and had been approved by Mac. He just needed word from the top brass to make it official.

"Danny?….Hey Danny!"

"Hm?"

"Daydreaming? Come on, I'm done processing. Let's go."

As packed our kits into the truck, my cell phone rings.

"Messer"

"It's Mac, I need you to come down to the Brooklyn bridge. Just next to the river on the south side, as soon as you can. "

His voice sounded serious, it made me wonder what was going on.

"What's up?" Lindsay asks.

"Mac wants us at his scene. I wonder what's going on. Maybe he needs our help."

-----

We drive up to the gamut of yellow tape, police sedans, and we park the truck. Mac was the only CSI on scene, which was odd. Lindsay and I grabbed our kits, and we made our way down to where Mac was.

"Our vic, male. Was found in the vehicle, bound. Beaten beyond recognition. We received a call about a car going into the river, last night. We pulled the car out, and there wasn't any sign of a driver. Even if there was it would've been washed away"  
Confused as to why Mac called us here, we proceeded to walk to the wreckage.

"The reason why I called you here."

He lifts the trunk, and I see a familiar sight.

"The position, the rag, the duct-tape. Typical Tanglewood style. The vic's wallet" He hands me a wallet.

"Open it."

Opening it, I read the name. "Michael Messer"

Frozen, I do a double take of the body in the trunk.

"This can't be."

"Danny, somebody is sending you a message. They're back. It doesn't matter that Sonny is in jail, someone's put out a hit on you."

I step back to absorb all the information coming to me, trying to piece together my troubled past. Lindsay, who had remained silent until now had taken hold of my hand out of view from Mac.

"Danny…."

"No…Not Michael. He didn't want to be near a Tanglewood Boy, he didn't want any affiliation. He wasn't affiliated. I'm pretty sure none of them knew him, this can't be. He had nothing to do with them" Though my fear hadn't settled in yet, my rage had boiled up to my chin.

"Are they out to get you?" Lindsay asks in a soft concerned voice.

"Tanglewood………they don't' just kill you. They start out by killing your family, your closest friends, the people you…." I couldn't continue, and Mac and Lindsay tried to squeeze out the rest of my answer.

The whole time not taking my eyes off Lindsay, I take a nervous breath.

"The people you love."


	3. Chapter 3

-1This time, Lindsay drove.

Yet even more of the quintessential silence we normally shared, was exchanged. This time, the air was so thick around me, you needed an axe to cut through it. I've never felt this vulnerable, the one place I never let myself go. The lump in my throat grew and grew, my tears held back by every bit of strength left in my body.

I felt ultimately responsible for my involvement in all of this, though my role was small. Now my past has come full circle. Threatening to collide with the life I have known for the past 8 years, threatening to destroy the new life that I have known since I've met Lindsay.

I'm finding myself breaking, breaking into the Danny Messer before he became part of the NYPD.

As Lindsay pulled into the underground parking lot to the lab, I didn't even wait for her to finish parking.

"Hey Danny!.."

I wanted to hide from the world. I was a 31 year old man, reduced to a 10 year old hiding under his bed with his favorite dinosaur toy. Hiding from a monster known as Tanglewood.

I bee lined through the hallways of the lab, ignoring Lindsay's constant protests behind me when Adam stopped me in my tracks.

"Hey Messer, I got your trace on the Belushi victim."

"Later" I push him out of my way.

"Last time I do you a favour. Which side of the couch did you wake up on?"

"Just stop." I hear Lindsay stop Adam from following me.

Locking the door behind me, I turn on the security glass to my office and I just let myself go. I did whatever I could to vent the fear, rage, anger, frustration, every conceivable feeling that I had encapsulated since seeing Michael.

I stop when I realized my fist was bleeding, and that there was a gaping hole in the wall of office that'll probably come off my paycheque. Falling into the corner of the floor, I release the little 10 year old boy and let him cry.

"Danny….."

It was Lindsay. Her voice laced with concern, and worry.

"Go Away."

"It's my office too. Not to mention, I have a key. I'm coming in……don't throw anything at me."

Lindsay comes in, locking the door behind her. She was the only other person to see me this way, the other being Mac. Nobody else saw Danny Messer this way.

"I don't know what to do." The cries escape from my lungs, as Lindsay takes me, comforts me.

I bury my head into her shoulder, her hair gently wiping my tears from my face.

"You give up, they win Danny."


	4. Chapter 4

-1She gazed at this vulnerable boy, sharing the secrets from his shady past. There we many times where she would ask about this boy's past, and there were many times where the boy would run and hide underneath that bed. He knew she was the only one who could break through this strange barrier, slowly but surely.

"Michael was my cousin, though he felt more like a brother. He took care of me when Louise was with them, he made sure to keep me away from them. 

He kept me away from them as much as he could. He gave me work, he gave me a place to stay. Mom and Dad threw us out when we both started following them, it didn't end well. Michael made sure my head was screwed on straight, one of the few reasons why I became a cop was because of him.

It hurts, and I'm scared"

We sat across from each other on the floor, in our own little world. 

"I'm not scared." Lindsay protests.

"Look, you've seen what they did with the end zone victim. You've seen what they've done with Michael. I don't want that happening to anyone else in my family, including you."

"Danny…I've seen what they've done, yes. I'm here 90 hours a week surrounded by cops, I'll be fine. Don't forget, I used to be in a uniform."

"We have to tell him. It's the only way to keep you safe, we have to assume they know. They will come for me through you, after they're done with my family."  
----------

"No Mac, I need to work. I need to fix this"

Mac had called me in after Lindsay and I finished our little conversation, after giving me some time to absorb what was happening to me. He had yet to make a decision on what to do with me. He had 25 case files on his desk alone, and yet this took obvious priority.

I guess I was ignorant about the fact that, when Sonny was put in Rikers that all my problems would disappear.

"This is a serious problem, obviously we didn't take into play about the unresolved issue about your previous affiliation. Thus we do need to put your immediate family into protective custody. I'll arrange for them to be moved into safe houses out of state. We're going to do this as quick as we can. As for you, I know you will refuse and I can't make you go. You are though, valuable in that you've dealt with them long than I. There's no use for me to be one man down. I'll make sure to ask the Director to allow you to stay."

Mac then breathed a sigh of uneasiness, putting head into his hands.

It was unlike him reacting this way. I remember seeing this Mac Taylor a few years back, when he was at Claire's bedside.

"Do we need to put anybody else under watch?"

I paused to think whether this would be the time to tell Mac.

"You need to call Lindsay in."

Mac's eyes furrowed, followed by his intuitive all-knowing stare.

He picks up the phone. "Lindsay, could you please join me and Danny in my office."

Moments later I see Lindsay through the glass walls, making her way to the office. She meet's my gaze, she knows.

Opening the door but not walking through, she asks. "What's up?"

"Come in"

Mac turns on the privacy glass, and is quiet for a bit.

"There must be a reason, as to why Danny has requested that you come by to tell me something."

Lindsay looks back at me, after hearing this statement. I lean in, whispering into her ear. "We have to tell him….now"

She nods, her eyes speaking volumes of eventual relief of not hiding our relationship from everybody anymore. Even I was tired, tired of the game that we played. The stolen stares, underneath the table contact, the deliberate late nites at the lab.

I then take hold of her hand in my own, 'perfect fit' from the start.

Mac's demeanor didn't change at all, looking at our hands together. I was a bit surprised by his cold non-answer. He was intuitive, observant, and I expected a bit of a reaction from him.

"You're telling me now that Tanglewood is coming after two of my CSI's?"


	5. Chapter 5

A woman in her forties, sitting on her balcony is attempting to battle the war known as the NY Times Crossword puzzle. She sits idle, stuck on one of the 15 letter word that eludes her so dearly.

This woman is content, the lines on her face tells the story of a great battle with one known as harlem. She is strong, she let's nothing past her thick skin.

The neighborhood folk is familiar with everyone, like one in an extended family under one roof.

A knock on the door disrupts her line of thought. "I'm coming, hold your horses. I"m getting money"

But nothing changes really, of a New York born, New York bred when it comes to a good slice of deep dish pizza.

Opening the door, she is greeted with quite an attractive Italian-American New Yorker. Not her usual delivery man

"Well...where's Adam?" She asks.

"He's sick." The Delivery man says.

"Should I be glad that Adam's sick?" She checks him out.

"You should be." He hands her the box of pizza.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Sonny sends his regards."

"Sonny? There's no Sonny at Nat's Pizza."

This lady's smile falls to the earth, her eyes widening in a moment of terror. She didn't have time to register this into her thoughts, until she felt the cold metal rip through her body. Tearing through her heart.

"Say hi to Louie Messer for me."


	6. Chapter 6

-1"I'm so sorry Danny."

"Did she go fast?"

"She didn't feel a thing"

This man's head hangs low, never this much though. The world has suddenly no place for him to hide, no bed to hide under away from the monsters.

He now reaches for the one thing that he knew would now dull his pain, at least temporarily.

------------------------------  
"How did this happen! You were supposed to report to the residence to take her into protective custody. Tell me, how does feeding your caffeine fix put priority upon a direct order from your chief!. A woman is dead now because of your dull sense of service and urgency. Trust me on this, I will put you onto traffic duty and you will never ever see the beat again.

Mac's demeanor erupted from control to near explosion. His attempts to catch the ghost asssassin, came up short. Trace evidence were next to nothing, prints, any grain of sand, dirt speck, nothing.

"Yes sir."

The pair of officers were then dismissed, the concience of a murder that could have been prevented looms above their heads.

Stella who was making her way down the hallway, dodging neighbors and officers. Her walk was mired with a sense of urgency and concern for Danny's well-being.

"Mac…How did this happen?"

"A lapse in judgement. A lapse causing the death of another in the Messer family."

"Did you call Danny yet?"

"Yes, I did. It's best that he doesn't come to the scene, it'll set him off."

Mac paused, observing the scene for any kind of disturbance.

"He's changed his MO. Went from beating to straight on shooting. The bit of trace that we had from Michael came out negative on APHIS.

"Mac, how do we catch someone who leaves next to no trace?"

"We have to Stella, or this Danny we know will be no more."

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_You brought that bottle home in a paper sack, drew the blinds and locked the doors_

This man is silent, unable to think about anything else but dulling this pain down. He pulls the line to his phone, turns off his cellular. He grabs a glass from the cabinet, and collapses onto the plush sofa.

_And there's nothing but empty there inside that glass, so you pour a little more_

Glass after glass, the warm liquid flows down his throat freely without restrain.

_And there's no one there to judge you, at least that's what you tell yourself_

A soft knock echoes from the door, and a familiar voice followed.

"Danny. It's me. Mac called me, he was worried about you."

She opens the door, letting herself in. Takes off her jacket, and places her keys on the counter.

_Don't you know? Nobody drinks alone._

"Aren't you going to share?"

Silence restrains this man.

_Every demon every ghost from your past, every memory you've held back follows you home._

She sits herself next to this stoic body, she takes his hand in her own.

"Danny. I need you to remember, that I'm here to help you. No matter the fact that they might be after me as well. You need to try and remember anyone, any particular person you've dealt who carries out his hits in this fashion."

"I can't. It's been 15 years."

"You need to."


	7. Chapter 7

-1

Okay...just a disclaimer...

Character "The Ghost" Belongs to L&O:SVU, NBC and it's affiliates. Not Mine...  
---------------------

"I can't think"

"Danny…"

"Stop, Please…..Lindsay"

"The more time we waste sifting through the miniscule pile of trace, another o--"

"Another what!"

It was a bad mix, the alcohol in my system doubled with Michael and Amie's deaths. So much though, I threw my glass just shy of Lindsay's head, breaking into a million pieces behind her. She didn't even flinch a bit, though her expression on her face wore excruciating sadness. Something I saw in her eyes, told me the story of living through this moment before.

Time didn't forgive this, and I sensed it.

I came to a conclusion then, something that would be better for her safety. Hopefully.

"Get out."

"Excuse me?

"You heard me." As that was said, I finished what was left in the bottle.

"I hope you know what you're doing, shutting me out won't help. I'm only worried about you, we all are."

"Another thing, I think it's best that we don't see each other anymore Lindsay."

"Let's get rational here Danny."

"Again, You heard me. Now please leave, I asked nicely."

I've crossed a bridge that I didn't ever want to cross with her. A love, changing for the better good of her safety. What I've built with her, eroded before her eyes and came tumbling down. Afraid to see her face, and what it would further do to me, I notice then the teardrop that fell onto my knee. I've finally descended into a place that I swore I never would, a mindset of revenge.

_But I've never been the kind to lever let my feelings show, I though that being strong was never losing self control. But I'm just drunk enough, to let go of my pain, to hell with this pride, let it fall like rain, from my eyes……_

She walks away, I see her feet…oh her beautiful feet, slowly moving towards the door to my apartment. 

Lindsay turns around once more, "I love you, Danny. I hope you know that, you know? I hope you heard me."

Those words tore through my heart, through the very person that I wanted to be with her. I was on the floor, unable to move. I just wanted to tell her too--that I 'Loved Her'. Though this was for the best.

Then the door closed, and she was gone from me.

'What have I done?….'

_Tonight I wanna cry._  
-----

"We finally have a possible hit on the Ghost." A relieved Stella held up a file, albeit a thin one and placed it onto Mac's desk. 

"Lucas Pavrosa. Born in Italy, his parents moved him to Ireland. Joined the IRA when he was 16. Known as "The Ghost" to local authorities. Leaves no trace after each hit, it's like he wasn't there at all. Dissapeared after the IRA raid in 2002. I can't find anything on him after that. Nothing."

"Well, it's as close as we're going to get. At least we now have a name. We need to find him Stella."

She looks at Mac, inspecting his tired face. "It feels the same doesn't it? First Aiden, now it's Danny"

"Not just Danny." Speaking from his face in his hands, which has now become a habit in the last few days.

Stella's face smoothed from confusion, to an epiphany.

"Lindsay."


	8. Chapter 8

Flipping through the massive stack of unfinished paperwork, I find a lost photo of Lindsay and I. Pleasant memories of that day in Central Park, they burn off the dark clouds that hang above me. It's one thing using those issue Nikon D70's, but taking self portraits is one skill I never managed to grasp.

_"Just ask someone to take it for us!" Lindsay proclaims, within a fit of laughter._

_"I got it..I got it…I just have to adjust the F-Stop to match the Shutter Speed."_

_"F-Stop….pfthhh. Stop trying to sound smart."_

_"You know Lindsay, these consumer models….user-friendly my ass."_

_She rips the camera out of my grasp, and motions me to join beside her. "Here"_

_Lindsay holds up the camera, after making a few adjustments._

_"They didn't just teach me to scrape cow off the road in Bozeman, you know?"_

_Aiming the camera up, she grabs me by the waist and cuddles up close._

_"Just use the lens to 'see yourself' okay?"_

_"I see, I see…..SmartyPants" I give her a playful slap._

_"Okay..Danny…smile big now!"_

_The flash of light erupts, and captures a moment in time of our lives that brought us long due happiness._

_"Lemme see Montana.." I try to reach for the digicam._

_"NO…I look terrible…"_

_"Now how can that be? You always look beautiful, even when you're all sick and drippy."_

_"Awww…"_

Her lips pursed, beckoned for mine. I kiss her, unaware of the things to come that would test us so dearly.

------

"--Ring, Ring, Ring---"

"Come on Danny, pickup your phone"

"Hi, You've reached Danny Messer, leave a--" "Click"

It had been almost a week since their breakup, she wasn't even sure if it was even official or not, or out of rage. Her calls still remain unanswered.

------

I gave into protective custody, only to keep me away from her. Nobody knew where I was, they think I'm on modified assignment in Jersey. Only Mac knew though, as we corresponded through secure lines while they find the person after my family. God knows how many times I've been though this 'reassignments'. Mac always was in my corner, no matter what.

It was extremely hard, many times I wanted to call her, meet her, to tell her that I'm sorry.  
The fight almost lost it's meaning, as now I have 4 members of my family to bury. I needed her so much. The frail walls holding my rage eroded, frustrated, I throw the files off my desk.

"I need to do something."

My cell rings, it's Mac. "Yeah Mac."

"Danny, how's it going?"

"Not so good you know?"

There was this beat, a long beat.

"It's not my prerogative to pry, though I do notice these things. About Lindsay. I think you shouldn't have pushed her away like this. She's useless to me this way."

"Useless?"

"She hasn't left the lab in the last 3 days. She's locked herself in her office, along with dozens of boxes of files with the mere mention of 'Ghost'"

"I'm sorry, Mac. It has to be this way until we catch this guy."

"I'm sending a fax over. We found something that might crack this wide open. "

"Lucas Pavrosa. Does that ring a bell?"

"Maybe…..I knew one that went by Luka.."

Then it all came in in one fell swoop. Memories and names, events, the dame gave way to everything that started to make sense.

"I'm sending an officer over to take a statement, Danny. Don't go anywhere"

"Not going anywhere Mac."

------

She felt unnecessarily discarded, pushed aside.

Her stride became labored, losing the glide she had while she had finally been "accepted' by the lab-folk. Followed so closely by the familiar thunk of NYPD issue boots.

"Damn Bodyguard……" She muttered to herself. "Do you mind giving me some space?"

He just stared blankly at her.

In her hand she carries one of the many boxes of files with the mere mention of the word "Ghost"

Her frustration is evident, not able to actively go out and track this person down. This one person, that had actively burned the bridges to the one thing that meant most to her in this tirade in New York. Danny.

She is now alone in the office, her and the big hole in the wall.  
It had been a tough few days, the police guard was driving me nuts.

I just spent a good 4 hours in the interrogation room, and I was sitting in the other chair. Not fun. I told the investigator everything I knew about Luka. From his favorite pizza joint, to when he purchases his Calvins.

"You don't find the guy….HE finds you"

My cellular rings, pulling it out of my pocket I find out that it's Lindsay. I couldn't help but to just stare at her name on the Caller ID. I let it continue to ring.

This time, instead of hanging up she leaves a voicemail. Instinctively, I dial into my mailbox.

"Danny, please hear me out. I've found a possible location on this Lucas. Meet me in Central Park, near the Columbus statue 4pm. Remember to ditch your guard."

----

"We ran the photo through CODUS, we didn't get a hit. Though I ran it through DMV to see if I could get anything, photo recognition software came up with one. A Frank Minetti. Moved here from California 3 years ago. No trace of this man exists before that."

Mac and Stella stood in the dark, dark room littered with super servers and large LCD panels that adorned the walls.

"We're getting closer, Stella."

"It's about time. How 's Danny doing?"

"Not so great. His temper blow-ups would shake up the precinct from time to time. He's not getting anything done at all."

"Why won't you just put him on forced vacation Mac?"

"I'm afraid of what he might do if he's not up to his eyeballs in work."

"Lindsay?

"I'm worried about Lindsay, Stella."

"I am too."

"At least this way, she's safe."

Both of the 1st Grade Detectives nod at each other, in agreement of the progress that they have made. Though, in both, lies and anxiety to close this case that hit so close to home.

----

I needed to get out of here fast, and quick.

"I need to go to the washroom"

"I still have to go with you Detective Messer."

I close in onto him, whispering into his ear.

"I ate a really really big bean burrito, I'm gonna need some privacy."

He nods and reluctantly follows me to the loo, but waits in front of the door leading into the washroom.

"I'll be a while."

"I'll be waiting, Detective"

As soon as I made sure he was waiting outside, I turn on the tap and dryer to muzzle any sound that would tell him that I was leaving.

The window was just wide enough, that god the 'officer only' washroom didn't have a security gate installed. I shimmy outside, and down the descending ladder, glancing back at window to see if the oaf saw me.

As my feet touched the ground, I made my way to the subway as quickly as possible.

----

Meanwhile back at the Precinct.

"My wife…when she gets mad..whoah…get out of her way..she's like a mad Italian with a corn-stick broom, and we aren't even Italian…heh.."

----

Walking through Central Park, didn't have that nice fuzzy feeling that it had before. This time there was purpose. As I neared the statue, I see her there standing behind the structure. Nervous. Lindsay..Nervous?

"Montana…"

My hand instinctively reached out to her, I had to muster my strength to keep from touching her again.

"I'd thought I'd never hear you call me that again.." She paused a moment, to take in my appearance.

"You look terrible. When was the last time you slept?"

"Not in a while…a few winks here and there. So..you brought me out here to give me some info."

"I wanted to come to you before Mac eventually finds out. He will, so you don't have much time. Lucas Pavrosa, or known as Frank Minetti. Quiet individual, job in Queens as a butcher. Squeaky clean. I canvassed his co-workers, no Tanglewood tattoo that they know of. No unusual behaviour, and he lives alone. There is the possibility of a girlfriend, according to one."

She took a deep breath.

"I came to you first, because I knew you needed closure. Before I give this to you, I need you to promise me that you do this by the book."

I try to swipe the file from her hands.

"Promise me Danny."  
"Mac finds out about this,…"

"Danny..I don't care. I thought you didn't care anymore."

"This still doesn't change anything between us, Lindsay."

She hands the file to me, and as I grab it, I feel the touch of her goosebump ridden skin brush up against mine. Lindsay really was nervous.

"You do your thing, we will find a way to make him pay for what he has done to you. Remember, everything's connected. Don't do anything stupid. Call for backup, I'll vouch for you."

"Promise me Danny."

"Yeah."

----

From the darkness, under a massive Oak tree a figure watches them with intense scrutiny. Studying, documenting each and every move of their bodies, their lips. Body language.

"You're smart Messer, Though not by much. Frankie Minetti thanks NYU"

----

Then and there, I wanted to take her and hold her tight. To smooth away her anxiety and nervousness.  
'Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay" I close my eyes, and entertain the thought.

Just as fast as it crossed my thoughts, I open my eyes, and she is gone from me yet again.


	9. Chapter 9

"Lindsay, Please meet me in my office."

Mac's voice was as stern unlike anything she has ever heard in the nine months of being on his team. It scared her to pieces. 'He knows" she thought. She slowly made her way to his office, and with every step taken, her fear stepped it's own way up to her ears.

"Yes Mac."

"Please close the door."

He takes a deep breath, exhales.

"It's one thing to want to help a colleague, a close friend. It's another thing when you hand ammunition to an emotionally unstable vengeful man. This is the second time you've done this, the first time I've let you go. I don't want to fire you, you're one of my best CSI's. Though, I'm sorry to say this but I'll have no choice but to downgrade you to 3rd level. "

2 years of hard work, lost.

The answer went through roadblocks as they tried to escape from her mouth. She tried to explain herself.

"Mac, I..I'm trying to give him closure, setting him free Mac. I made him promise to call after he's done his bit, to do everything by the book."

"To do his BIT? What makes you so sure that he won't kill him?" Mac slams his fist into the table.

"Mac…" She looks down at the floor, not regretful of her actions.

"I did what I did, and I'll take full responsibility"

"Where is Danny now?"

"I don't know"

"Location of Lucas Pavrosa…NOW"

"5652 E 53rd Street."

-----

The neighborhood was quaint, quiet. Perfect place to raise a family. Away from the tidal wave that was downtown New York. Somewhere Lindsay and I could have…could have. I shake my head to focus on my task at hand. I withdrew my weapon, and made my way up the stairs to the address Lindsay gave me.

I peered through the window, trying no to catch any attention from the neighborhood folk. I see lace, photo's decorating the walls, books, ugly furniture. "Relative." I thought.

"NYPD. Open up!"

Silence continued to prevail within this home, so I went with my gut.

I circled the building and found an open window that I could shimmy through, though breaking down the door could be so much easier.

"Luka come out you bastard, I know you're here. I can smell you."

Room by room, I clear it. Swallowed by the pent up rage within me, I get closer and closer. I felt it through my bones. I wanted to get him quickly, and to end it quickly.

Then I froze as I passed by the bedroom study.

Photos littered the walls like the musings of a crazy man, his obsession taking over his well-being. My family, became his obsession.

Michael, Aunt Amie, James, Uncle Joe. The ones who have helped me stay away from Tanglewood, and it's lures.

Then, there in a special area on this montage, prominent in it's size. Surrounded by bright red tape, were photos of Lindsay and I. Photos of her at the gym, on scene with me, at her doctors office, her home, and several of us on our various dates.

"Son-of-a-Bitch was watching us the whole time since the beginning."

"NYPD!…" That voice sent chills down my spine as I knew that I was in trouble. It was Mac.

Then right after the blood drained from my face I hear, "Danny!"

Coming from the kitchen, I hear Lindsay's voice and followed my a muffled yelp.

"Lindsay!" I run out to the kitchen only to find Luka with a knife to Lindsay's throat.

She's struggling to get to her feet, in a bid to give herself space between her neck and the knife that was know drawing warm blood down her neck. He slowly backs away from the wall of NYPD's finest through the rear door.

"You're a dead man Luka, I promise you."

Lindsay's soft brown eyes never left mine once, continuously mouthing the words 'I'll be okay.'

Who was I kidding to try to push her away. It was for that reason, that she fell into Luka's hands, and now she could lose her life because of me. I can't lose her.

"I should have known it was you. Why? How could you do this to me?"

"Why Messer? You know why."

Step by step, 4 against 1. In the backyard, in the wide-open space, for everybody to see. The only thing stopping us from taking him down was Lindsay, as his human shield.

"Mac, we can't let him taker her."

"I know Danny."

He puts her into the drivers seat in the Escalade, shuffling over so that he remained in control of her. The knife on her throat, and her gun aimed at us.

"Drive Bitch.."

The vengeful spirit within me swallowed the rest of what remained of me whole, as Luka showered us with bullets from Lindsay's gun as she pulled away.

"No!" I fired my weapon at the van erratically, not taking notice of the bystanders.

"Stop!" Mac lunges at me, placing me into a chokehold. Subduing me.

When he finally released, I turn to face him and my awaiting punishment. I expected to lose my position, career, everything right then and there. It doesn't really matter anymore, now that he has Lindsay.

"I should fire you here and now. You've disobeyed a direct order, broke protocol. Now because of you, Lindsay's life is in direct danger.

"My fault?" I felt ultimately vindicated for no apparent reason. "She didn't come here with you?"

"No, I told her to stay put in the lab"

She must have come here to warn me, warn me of Mac's arrival.

Then the truth hit me, the one thing that I thought I would never let somebody in like this. I've surrendered myself to her, and it takes this to realize it now. That I'd fell in love with Lindsay Monroe.

I need to make this right.


	10. Chapter 10

"This is Detective Taylor, put out a call for a 2006 Escalade. New York plate AEA 534, headed west on E53rd Street."

The two uniforms quickly made for their squad car, when Mac motioned for them to stop.

"No, we must make him believe that he's going to get his way. He'll find us"

"Mac, what the hell are you doing? He HAS Lindsay."

"Ultimately, he WANTS YOU. That's his assignment. He won't kill Lindsay. He's going to use her to get to you Danny. We'll get her back, and I'll need you to keep your head on straight. Though everything tells me to fire you right here, now. 6 years ago I went with my gut, and I'm going with my gut now.

--

Lindsay pulls into a parking lot, and continues to drive her way to the rooftop per Luka's direction.

Her demeanor remains the same, though an underlying current of fear is evident. No gun, except for her knife hidden in her pocket. Her knowledge of Tanglewood was certainly limited, and by that he wasn't going to let her go anytime soon.

"Get out."

She switches off the car, and exits under Luka's watchful eye. "Throw the keys off the side"

Lindsay instinctively does what she is told.

"Why Danny?" She asks him.

"Why Danny? Why you?" Luka proclaims.

"The name's Lindsay, Lindsay Monroe"

He motions her with her own service pistol. "That way, the blue focus. We're going for another drive"

--

Back in the lab, Mac, Stella, Hawkes, and Flack were in the briefing room with me, sifting through info on all of Luka's possible holdings. As well as possible family members who may have made it into the States from Ireland.

Flack's phone rings. "Yeah..Okay..Thanks."

The rest of the team looks up to him, hopeful for any kind of news on their kidnapped Detective.

"How's the tail on the Escalade?" Mac asks.

"Cold. Doesn't help when you have about 5 black Escalades for every 20 cars out there in NY."

I felt ultimately helpless, I tossed the files that were in my hands, and stormed out of the room to get some air.

"Danny.." I hear Stella call out, but I ignore her needing time alone.

Mac takes hold of Stella's hand, shaking his head. "Let's keep looking"

Lindsay and Luka are driving yet again, driving out of the city. Having a cold-blooded killer breathe down her neck brought back memories of Bozeman, though this time it was obviously different.

She chose her words carefully, in order not to set him off.

"You've only been in NY for 3 years. It seems as though Danny knows you for much longer than that. How can one not exist before 2003 and know him before that?"

Luka remains silent

"What nobody knew, was that Sonny sent you to California to start up a new Tanglewood there. Am I right? What I don't understand is why Sonny brought you back here."

"Sonny's my man. He tells me, I do."

Lindsay takes a laboured breath.

"What has Danny done to you? Why him?"

--

Once again I was powerless as to the happenings that I brought onto Lindsay. I pushed her away, now this is how I'm paying for it. Going through the mess in my head, I try to think of where and when we used to run together, of where I've seen him all those years ago. Sonny's or Louie's mere mention of Luka.

I was interrupted from my thoughts as Mac came out from right behind me, startling me.

"Go home Danny."

"I need to stay here, just incase I figure something out."

"I wasn't asking you. This time, don't do anything else stupid."

---

They pulled up to an abandoned warehouse off the beaten path. Getting out of the vehicle, Luka pulled her inside the building.

"Move"

He draws her into an open space, and pulls out a chair. "Sit down"

Luka straps her in with her own handcuffs, and plastic cuffs. As he was done, he went on, pacing back and forth mumbling to himself.

"You've exposed your identity as 'the ghost', soon as they come for me, they'll be able to tie you to the rest of the murders. You'll rot in jail."

"Oh no….I'm so scared!" he says sarcastically.

Luka jumps onto Lindsay's lap, getting into her face until they were millimeters away from each other.

"As Sonny would say, I'm not worried."

Lindsay doesn't flinch one bit.

"Soon enough, loverboy will come to your rescue..and my job will be done. Splat, splat"

"Don't count on it, Luka"

He takes the badge off Lindsay's belt, his hands groping her thighs when he feels her last tool for escape.

"Oh now, what's this?"

Luka pulls out the knife, and marvels at it's design

"Wow…I've never seen anything like this.."

He flips open the blade.

"Only in Montana" Lindsay quips.

He marvels at the craftsmanship, the build, the quality of the steel. Right before he plunges it into her thigh.

Lindsay _screams_.


	11. Chapter 11

It had almost been a full week since this hell came upon me. My body was aching from working and barely sleeping, only getting about 8 hours this week so far. I get out of the clothes that I had been wearing these 4 days straight, and I climb into my bed.

For 3 hours, I stared at nothing but the corner of my bed next to the window. Her scent still remained on that side she fancied so much. Those nights that she came, after a simple phone call and three words said. "I need you" were a many. Yet this comfort is now in jeopardy of ceasing for all of eternity.

I held it in as much as I could, though now knowing I was in private I could let it out.

I clutched the pillow in my hand, muffling the cries that escaped from my throat, taking in what I've lost so dearly, the tears soaking up the sheets.

My heart broke bad, though never in this way.

The phone rings then, bringing me back into reality.

"Danny. We have something. Meet me at your brother's grave"  
---

Everything went through my head as I walked past the headstones. From bracing myself to finding Lindsay dead, to Louie's grave being defaced or even worse.

I find Mac, and a few other CSI's milling around my brother's headstone.

Looking down, I see not a body, but blood and an NYPD Detective's badge. Lindsay's badge. Lindsay's knife was laid there, covered in blood.

"It's her knife Mac, he hurt her. It's her blood, I know it."

"We also found this note. I'd guess you'd know what this means"

Opening the note, I read.

"Shelby, Lou, Daisy, Marie, we loved them and we had to leave them. Alone. We need to finish this."

"Chop shop?" Mac asks me.

"No. That one year he came by to stay for the summer, we went on….well.." I felt ultimately embarrassed.

"Go on.." He pushes.

"We had a bet who could have the most one night stands, during the summer and we'd bring them to this warehouse just out of the city."

"Alright, now we're getting somewhere."

"I need to go alone Mac."

He finally agrees, though obviously I knew that there was going to be a contingency plan in place.

"We're going to get Lindsay back." He puts a reassuring hand onto my shoulder

--

"Remember, we need him alive. Detective Monroe is somewhere inside. Take due care of your shots, if you have a clear shot to disable him, don't take it until I give the green light. Detective Messer will enter the building from the north corner, and as soon as he has her, you will move in. Not before. Got it?"

Swat and the other uniforms nod in unison.

I sat down in the Tac van, letting the tech wire me for sound. Knowing Lindsay was only a few hundred feet away, I itch for this nightmare to end. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mac approaching me.

"Danny, make sure you get her out safe. Let swat do their job, don't do anything heroic."

I shake out the last bit of nervousness in my body, and I head inside.

--

"--Lindsay!"

Memories of my days of being immature, stupid, come back to me in a horrid faded dream, the further I walk into this building. Memories I wish I didn't inhabit at all.

"--Danny! I'm over here"

I find her sitting in a chair, her leg soaked in blood. She looked exhausted beyond hell.

"You're hurt."

I take the keys to my cuffs, and begin to release her. Lindsay holds on to me tight, with the last bit of strength in her body.

"Danny Messer! Nice to see you again!. I was just telling her the stories of our summer here with the girls"

Luka comes out of the darkness, with Lindsay's gun pointed at me.

"She's got nothing to do with you"

"She's got EVERYTHING to do with you Messer"

When she was finally free, Lindsay opted to remain in the chair. I stand between her and Luka.

"We finally know how to get to the great Danny Messer. Tanglewood's unofficial member….True..his family is up there, but HER."

Like a clichéd scene in a Hollywood movie, he circles us weaving a story of memories in the past.

"Since when did YOU, Danny Messer ever cared about a woman? You're a love 'em leave 'em kind of guy. What makes this broad so special?"

"She is."

My voice trembled at the vulnerability she gave me. I keep my eyes on him, knowing that he could start shooting at any second

"Danny." Lindsay calls me, I look back at her, and that was my mistake again.

Luka barrel swiped my head as I turned away. I fell to the ground, like a train went over me.

"Bad move Messer."

I shake myself back into reality, not caring about the trickle of blood coming down the side of my face.

He had her in a choke-hold with the gun pointed at her head. Lindsay looked tired, wanting this to end. Her eyes were closing shut as he dug the gun deeper and deeper into the side of her head.

"You have a better change of living if you let her go. SWAT will take you out, no doubt. You're holding one of NYPD's finest Detectives. They don't have a liking for that."

"You're bluffing"

Seeing her like that made me hurt so bad, that I fell to my knees.

"Danny….no." Lindsay protests.

"Please…I beg you. Just..Just let her go. You want me."

Luka releases a roar of laughter, obviously marveling at the sight presented in front of him.

"Danny Messer! Begging! Oh…what Sonny would give to see this"

When we hear.

"NYPD! Don't move! Don't move! Don't move!" Luka turns to fire at the forthcoming SWAT members.

In a heartbeat, I see Lindsay break free. I run to her, I kiss her, I comfort her.

"I'm so sorry Lindsay…I pushed you away when I shouldn't have. I brought this on you."

Her embrace was like a drug, I missed it so much. I hold her like tomorrow was never ever going to come.

'She's safe.' I thought, when her hold tenses. That's when I realized too late what was happening.

"NO!"

"Danny!" Lindsay breaks from our embrace, and with everything that was left in her, she turns me around.

"BANG"


	12. Chapter 12

-1A moment of shock and still emerged onto my face, as I realized too late what she had just done. Her grip on me loosened, as we collapsed to the ground. I hold her, and I tell her that everything was going to be alright. Mac rushes to my side, and gets onto the radio.

"This is Detective Taylor, send a medical unit. Officer down."

"She's getting cold Mac."

Lindsay whispers to me. "Danny. It's okay. I now know why you did what you did."

Like a common theme, the tears well up into my eyes. Others were around, but I didn't care.

"I shouldn't have pushed you away."

I held her close to my, close to my heart.

Her breath was laboured, shallow. The rosy color from her lips were a fading mystery. Her eyes were now all but closed, I felt her hanging on.

"Lindsay…don't leave me"

I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Danny, let the EMT's do their job."

Mac had to literally pry me from Lindsay. So I gently laid her down on to the ground, taking care of her head on the cold concrete floor.

"I'm riding along, Mac."

-----

The whole team was at the hospital, waiting for word. Lindsay has already been in surgery for 10 hours. The seats were uncomfortable, and I couldn't stay still. Waiting was all I've ever done with Lindsay, I've done too much of it definitely. I pull out the box of my breast pocket, cracking it open to take a peek.

"It's beautiful" Stella remarks.

"I might not be able to use it." My voice trembles at the mere thought.

The doctor breaks the sullen ambiance, as he walks into the waiting room. Everybody looks up to the Doctor though, he looks not to me, but to Mac.

"I need to speak with Detective Taylor"

"What's going on? How's Lindsay?" I ask the surgeon.

He repeats himself. "I need to speak with Detective Taylor"

"Stel…." I look at her with upset confusion.

She shrugs, but motions me to her side. 

"Maybe it's to sign some papers…Her family won't be able to catch a plane until tomorrow."

"It should be me, Stella"

"I know. We just need to wait for word."

---

A few excruciating moments pass by, and Mac returns into the room. His face said it all, and it hit me like a train going a hundred miles an hour.

"No…No!!!!" He attempts to comfort me, but I didn't want anybody touching me right now.

"Danny.."

I shake my head in anger, in the difficulty of this outcome. 

"She….Lindsay took that bullet for me. IT was meant for ME!"

Stella remained where she sat, an empty look befell her, as well as everybody else.

I pause, in a moment of sanity to speak.

"W..we need to let her brother and uncle know. They're both in Maine right now. "

----

THE NEXT DAY.

I look into the mirror, and began to do up my tie. Many times, Lindsay would help me, I hated those things. The perfect windsor eluded me so.

"Here Danny, let me."

Stella, already in her own dress uniform, came into the locker room to help me.

"I hate these dress uniforms."

"Yeah..me too."

"How are you holding up?"

She pauses and attempts to crack a smile on her face. I could tell she had been crying, her cheeks were a raw rosy red.

"Sorry...already know the answer to that."

I form an attempted smile in return, and put on my hat.

"You going to be okay out there, Danny?"

I take a deep breath. "Yeah."

----

"Family, friends, colleagues from far away and near. We are gathered here to honor the life of Detective Lindsay Anne Monroe. Cut tragically short, in her loyalty and service as an officer of the NYPD. I bring forth to you now, the life that she saved. He who will now speak of the life that she lived. Detective Daniel Messer."

I froze in my seat, unable to take my eyes off her portrait next to her casket.

"Danny." Stella gives me a friendly rub on the shoulder.

"I'm ready."

It was a mile, every step to the podium. Turning around, I face Lindsay's family and friends. Members of the Bozeman Police Department, and NYPD alike.

"Lindsay came into my life just about a year ago……" I paused for a moment to collect myself.

"I was terrible. I made her first few weeks hell, cause I wouldn't stop teasing her. Cause she was a country girl. Then, she grew on me. I never knew that country girls had longer claws, than the city girls here in New York."

I managed to get a few laughs from the sullen crowd.

"She had integrity beyond any other cop I've ever worked with, and she was a solid cop. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her unselfish act, and I would've easily taken her place. She was intuitive, she loved life and living it. She's introduced me to some sports I've never even heard of. I mean..how fast could you shave the fur off a sheep the fastest?……..She gave a new vision on life to me, and she loved me unconditionally. She was indeed taken away too soon."

Looking at the Monroe's, I see them looking at me and nodding.

"Mr. & Mrs. Monroe. You've raised a wonderful daughter, you taught her well and right. Thank You. I don't know how to repay you for that. Actually I don't even think I can ever do that at all. She is worth more than anything in this world to me."

Finished, I whispered. "I love you, Montana"

Stepping down, I make my way to her, and place a bright red rose onto her flag draped coffin. It pained me not to be able to touch her, the 10 inches of wood and cloth prevented that from happening.

It became silent in the church, save for the Monroe's tears.

I stayed beside her for a good while, I didn't want to leave her side.

"I'm sorry Detective Messer, we need to proceed."

"Sorry Reverend." I make my way back to my seat.

He lights a candle, and raises his hands to the sky. "Let's bow our heads to pray"

I lower my head, and I close my eyes.

"God bless this brave soul, who made the ultimate sacrifice. Bring her forth to your side in her rightful place. Bless her with the riches you've promised us, as your children. Amen."

Opening my eyes, the Reverend begins to motion everyone to gather outside. I slip my white gloves on, and prepare for the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I look to Mac. He looks back reassuringly.

----

The casket rises from it's platform, as 6 pairs of white gloves grip the handles on it's side. Step by step, 6 men move as one. Joined by pain and sorrow in carrying Detective Monroe's casket.

It seemed like an eternity in a day, walking out of the church, and to the waiting Hearst.

_It was only one hour ago, It was all so different then. There's nothing yet has really sunk in, Looks like it always did. This flesh and bone, Its just the way that you were tied in. Now threes no-one home_

We move slowly along the path that was made for us. Her Father, her Brother, Hawkes, Flack, Mac and I.

_I grieve for you, When you leave me, It's so hard to move on._

I was lost in the moment, everybody here gathered, sharing in this loss.

_Still loving what's gone. They say that life carries on, carries on and on._

We load her in, and the door closes. I look at the flowers, the color that they were adorned in. Reminded me of her lips.

_The news that truly shocks, is the empty, empty page. While the final rattle rocks the empty, empty cage. And I can't handle this._

We begin to march. March slowly behind her. NYPD, and BPD alike. Flanked by squad vehicles and Motorcycles, we move through Manhattan Cemeteries. The red and blue lights heightened the hollow sadness within the officers behind me. I felt solace in the fact, that they shared in the burden of my pain.

_And I grieve, for you. You leave me, Let it out and move on._

I see the plot before me, just ahead. Marked by the firing squad already waiting for us. I could hardly see, blinded by the tears covering my eyes.

_Missing what's gone. Said life carries on, I said life carries on._

Finally stopping, we unload her, and place her onto the lowering device. I touch her for the last time, my tears, falling onto the surface of her casket.

Two officers came forth, saluted Lindsay and began to remove the flag.

I couldn't help myself, but to whisper to the officers. "Be careful."

Another officer, began playing a mournful song on his bagpipes. Solemnly, they began to fold the flag, a symbol of our service to this country.

As they finished, they headed towards Lindsay's mother. I watch her whisper a few words in to the officer's ear, and she stands up After a few moments discussion with Mr. Monroe, and David Monroe, Mrs. Monroe takes the flag and begins to walk towards me.

I was taken aback, as I walk to meet her.

"We think that you should have this." She places the wrapped flag into my hands.

"Mrs. Monroe…"

"You meant so much to her, She did a brave thing, and I expected none less from my daughter."

"But…"

She hushes me with a lift of her finger to my lips.

"You're family, Daniel."

I look over to the rest of her family, Mac and Stella, they were holding strong, smiling.

"We now commit her body to the ground. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. Please bow with me."

I lean down beside her, grasping a handful of soil

"Bring your child peace, and her family peace in the knowledge of her faith. Bring them solace and comfort in your name. Amen."

_Did I dream this belief, or did I believe this dream. How will I find relief._

She now moves slowly down beneath the soil, beneath my feet. I let go of my grasp, and soil rains down into the depths of her final resting place.

The Marshall calls onto his firing squad.

"READY!!"

The squad readies their rifles, loaded the chambers and aimed into the sky as my heart followed into the heavens.

_I grieve_

"FIRE!!" --BANG!!  
"FIRE!!" --BANG!!  
"FIRE!!" --BANG!!


	13. Chapter 13

-1"FATA MORGANA" Excerpts from 'The works of Henry Longfellow' Published by : The Wordsworth Poetry Library.   
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_After Aiden, I didn't know where I was going._

Where would I be Lindsay?

I stare at her locker, another facet into her life. The bridge between the professional and personal.

_Where would I be if you didn't happen into my life?_

6, 20, 6, 46. Spinning the dial to her locker, I collect myself, and I open it.

Several bottles of shampoo and lotions and a bottle of Chanel Allure, though she didn't need it at all. She had the most sweetest scent. Her other service pistol, her backup. I unload the mag, and checked the chamber.

Poetry books. Prevalent in the works of Longfellow.

Flipping one open, I find a page bookmarked by a photo.

**_As the weary traveler sees  
In the desert or prairie vast,  
Blue lakes, overhung with trees,   
That a pleasant shadow cast;_**

So I wander and wander along,   
And for ever before me gleams  
The shining city of song,  
In the beautiful land of dreams

Noticing the photo, I see it was one of Lindsay and I.

_"Do you want to try?"_

"Sure" She hands me the ropes to the main sail, and motioned me where to sit.

"Whatever you do, don't let go."

"Why?"

Just as that was said and done, a gust of wind carried the sail inward. All I saw was a massive white wall coming towards me. Knocking me overboard, and into the cold East Coast water.

All I heard was Lindsay laughing. I couldn't see her from my angle in the water, she must have gone to retrieve something to pull me in.

She then reappears with a flotation ring. "I told you not to let go"

"Okay Ginger. Now help me up?"

"You know what? I think you're fine where you are." She disappears.

"Lindsay?……Lindsay?…..Come on….Please?"

I empty the final items into the bankers box, and try to control the feelings within me as I see this locker now empty. I shut it one final time, only to sit there and stare at Lindsay's name plastered on the door.

---

Thanks to the glass walls, the two Level 1 CSI's were able to observe Danny from a distance.

"Is he going to be okay?"

"He's going to be okay Stella. I mean, I know what he's going through, Stella. I just hope he'll be able to push past this. "

---

I'm pulled out of my thoughts, as my cell rings. I look at the caller ID, which displayed 'Private'

"Hello."

White noise and quiet breathing was all I heard.

"I hear you…….This is Danny Messer…..did you get a wrong number?"

Click. I stare at my cell in amusement.

---

I return to my office, with Lindsay's belongings. I place them onto her own empty desk. I sit there, alone with the privacy glass on. Not that it made much of a difference, the Lab was down to it's skeleton crew at this ungodly hour.

She was everywhere. I felt her. Everything here reminded me of Lindsay. She was already gone.

I failed to make things right. I Failed.

In that conclusion, I made my decision.

---

Knocking on the door to Hawkes' office, I let myself in.

"Hey Danny. How are you holding up?"

I couldn't do anything else but nod, at his mention. Mustering up my strength, I speak to him for the last time.

"I um, I came here to tell you that I'm glad to have worked with you. It's a shame, that you didn't come into the field sooner."

Hawkes' brow furrowed with confusion.

"What's going on?"

"I'm leaving. I can't be here anymore. I'm on my way to put in for a transfer."

We hug, for one last time.

"See you in another life."

---

Stella was in her office as well, signing off on a few case files. I let myself in.

"Hey Stella." I force myself to crack a smile.

"Danny…" She rises from her chair to give me a hug. "How are you doing?"

"I'm alright." I paused. "I could be better. I came by to say thank you, actually. For all that you've done for me these past few years. I couldn't ask for a better boss. You've taught me a lot."

She backs off from her embrace. Looks into my eyes. Analyzing.

"Thank You? It sounds like you're going away"

"Yeah. I'm going o put in for a transfer. I can't stay"

I look to her, as she scans my expression and starts to tear up herself. Stumped by shock, not by surprise. Stella smiles and gives me one last embrace, as one mentor to a student. I leave for one last stop.

I walk through these halls on the 35th floor for one last time. This place which has been my home for the past 6 years. As I near Mac's office, I pause to take stock of the hoops and ridicule he endured just so that I could be on his coveted team.

Like the psychic he was, he looks up from his desk to see me standing there. He motions me to come in. I take a final breath and I make my way into his office.

"Danny. Come in."

He puts his case file down, and gives me his undivided attention.

I place my transfer papers onto his desk. He gives them a single glace, then back at me.

"Mac. I just wanted to tell you that it was a privilege working for you. I want to say thank you for believing in me, even though there were some things that I have done, that would definitely have had me thrown out. Trusting me, even though there were times that would warrant you not to. Most of all, for being my friend, when I didn't have a single friend in the world."

Mac sits there, absorbing my confession. In that moment, devoid of emotion.

He gets up from behind his desk, and walks towards me.

I hold out my hand, but he opts to hug me instead.

"We all miss her, Danny. I know now, that you need this. I am truly sorry to see you go. You're one of the finest officers I've ever had under my command. You're a great friend."

I leave his office, and make my way to the elevator. Turning around, I see everybody standing there. I put on a brave face for them, knowing that they will find out soon.

_I hated lying to them all._

--------------------


	14. Chapter 14

-1Darkness fell.

It was nearing the end. The closer I came to her grave, it only intensified the knowledge of it. I decided to visit Louie first, to let him know of my decision.

"Hey Louie, it's your brother. I just wanted to say, that I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. It's for the best. You've protected me from them as much as you could, now I realize that. Ultimately, I couldn't protect me from myself. Be seeing you soon huh?"

As I walked deeper into the cemetery, I feel her closer and closer.

My heart beats faster, and faster within my chest.

Then I see her plot, and collapse to my knees in front of her headstone. The grass was lush, green, lively, like her soul.

"…..Lindsay"

I swallow my tears, as I look to the heavens stars. "You're up there somewhere."

The darkness was my only friend now. 

"You saved me, Lindsay. I came alive when you happened into my life"

I stare at her headstone, her name, her life. Asking myself how I could've done things different, in this happening that I cannot change. Would it have made a difference?

I felt solace here, the night air only enhanced the feeling within me. 

Letting go, the threshold to my fragile spirit, broke. Uncontrollable spasms of sorrow escaped from within me.

Everything has already started to look different in my eyes. The perception was changed, as I came to this haunting conclusion.

My spirit, my life, the air in my lungs bear no meaning with out her by my side. 

In the dead of the night, the city slept. It was a clear night in New York, the stars shone brightly within the blue glow of the moon. The cityline shone it's own stars, within the downtown core.

Within the city's cemetary, within the headstones and masoleums there is a broken soul. The cries from this man, mourning for his love, shadowed by the songs of the night.

_"Till this day, my life was just turning around. Everything good was coming my way. You were the everything good. I'd never imagined anybody like you, would cross paths with me. You were the one of a kind. You've helped me like no other, you've reformed me, you've saved me, you've loved me. You are the salt of my earth._

If I could've changed what had happened, I would do it over and over till the end of time.

Instead, you're gone. You're gone because of me. You knew the risks, but you didn't care. You've made me think of things, that I would never contemplate thinking of in my lifetime. White picket fences, 2 dogs, bungalow in Jersey. See? Now you know. It's a shame that I couldn't ask you earlier. I was beating myself, waiting for the right moment to tell you. I wanted to ask you if you would 'Vorresti Sporsami?' "

I stopped to think to myself, a small chuckle left my trembling mouth. 

_"Hey…I guess I wanted to see if you understood Italian. You probably didn't. I wanted to ask you to marry me."_

The small smile flew away with the cotton floating through the graveyard.

_"There's nothing left for me here, this would just be easier. It's this, or I let them come finish me off. It's no use fighting. "_

Ever since that day, I've been coming here at lunchtime, after work, every chance that I could. I thought that I could move on, but my life has been deteriorating ever since.

Mac and Stella were extremely accommodating, giving me extra days off, lightening my case load. 

But there was that constant reminder, the essence of you was everywhere. In the office your empty desk sat across from my own, our photo sitting prominently on mine. I kept thinking that you'd be walking through that door, proclaiming what new thing New York has that Montana doesn't.

I take off my glasses, rest them on the lush green grass at my knees just at the base of the headstone. 

Lindsay's parents gave me the honor of writing her epitaph. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done.

"Lindsay Anne Monroe. She loved life, put everybody else before her, beloved daughter, sister, kindred spirit, friend." I wanted to get it right, respect her memory of who she was. Was.

I dusted her headstone for one final time. I made sure that it was perfect.

I removed my dogtags, and draped them over the headstone. Wiping the tears from my eyes, and my now raw face so that I could see. I reach into my holster, and withdrew my weapon.

Closing my eyes, I empty my lungs and fill them deeply for the last time.

Turning off the safety, I load the chamber. Raising the muzzle to my head, I press the cold metal to my temple. My hand shaking, I put my finger on the trigger.

The ticking clock in my heart began to count down, as a movement of nightwinds surround me.

_"I'll see you soon Montana, I love you."_

BANG

…..was this death?


	15. Chapter 15

-1_Was this death?_

There began unending darkness, and a heartbeat. Wailing sound, and nothing else. The feeling of sadness within my body, diminished. Weightless. My burden, released. Gone.

A touch, embellished with impassioned naturalness, met with my hand.  
A comfort, seemingly familiar came to me. It spoke.

"It's okay now, Danny"

"I've done many things I'm not proud of."

"I know. I forgive you. You're safe now"

Then it disappeared, and glowing lights dance in the shadows of what I couldn't see. Muffled Voices, coming from each and every direction in this darkness. A bright light appears before me, beyond comprehension.

Such an amazing sight.

Was this heaven? Am I moving forward?

Faint shadows decorate my view, and more voices appear. Was this real? Is this the way station to the afterlife? Was this walking into the light?

I see a shadow coming before me, coming closer and closer. I hold out my hand, reaching for it.

"Danny"

"Is this death?"

"No.. Far from it."

Suspended from euphoria, I fell back into my shell.

The voice became clear, one of my life lived before. A friend, but it held authority.

"Mac?"

I focused my eyes, albeit unsuccessfully at the figure before me. Everything fell back into a blurry mess.

"NO…no…no!!"

Feeling came back to me, as the sheets and foam from under me came on fire.

"Danny. Stop"

"She's DEAD. It's all my fault!. I failed."

"Why did you even think that this would solve your problem?"

I couldn't even come up with an answer, I shot silence back at him.

"The bullet put pressure on your right cerebral cortex. You were lucky. The doctor says you'll regain full vision. Even more. You're alive."

I felt ashamed in the fact, that I've let everybody in my life down. Many have paid dearly for my ignorance.

"Danny. The only way that you can fix this, is by coming back. With a vengeance. You come back and you help me put them away. Each and every last one of them. I'm willing to forget everything you've done. The result is punishment enough. I almost lost a friend tonight. Just as I told Aiden before, and I'll tell you this now. This case will be on top of my desk, till we put everyone away."

A renewed energy formed from within me, a new sense of purpose. It felt good to be alive once again. It became necessary, to get all those bastards who took everything meaningful from me.

"I won't let you down, Lindsay"

---

4 Years Later.

"3x life sentence, to be served consecutively. No chance of parole. That's the last one. It's all done"

Mac takes the file from the corner of his desk, and files it away in the cabinet. He pauses in thought, as he closes the drawer.

"You did it Danny, you stayed on course."

For the first time in 4 years, I didn't have to constantly look over my shoulder. It was the sound of freedom, as I heard the drawer close. It was a shame that Lindsay wasn't here to witness this moment.

I had made the fast-track to first grade CSI since then. Since I started this mission to put all of Tanglewood away.

It all was put into motion, thanks to Lindsay.

I look to Mac, who was wearing a smile on his face. "Take a few weeks off, Danny. You long overdue."

"Mac. I just wanted to say. Thanks. Thank you."

I head out, on my way to finally live my life once again.

--

The view was phenomenal. Nothing but water, and tree littered coastline. I push back into the Adirondack chair that I was sitting in, pulling the throw over my body.

I had just settled into this new cottage, that I just bought here in Maine 6 months ago. Just so that I could be near to her family, whenever they were in town It was nice and small, not too big. Right on the water. The place also came with a sailboat, what a deal. I had named it Montana.

The sea-side air and the secluded ness, infused a sense of renewal and a new beginning.

I wasn't ready for a new relationship, I wasn't able to move on since that night 4 years ago.

'I need to get on the water. Can't waste this gorgeous sunshine.'

Walking back inside, I find a suitable outfit to head into the water.

Board shorts and a beater will do. Nodding my head, I close the drawer and my eyes drift up to the photo of Lindsay and I on her family's boat.

I smile. "I did it Lindsay. I did it."  
Oh god. Her glowing smile, that lit up the room like a supernova. The warmth, like early mornings surrounding me in bed with her. Could I ever forget that look. 

--

It was nice for once to go barefoot, never in New York though. The wood planks beneath my feet were warm and soft. As I made my way down the docks, I see a little girl. Alone. Could be no more than 5. '

_"How could a mother leave her child out here, she could fall into the water."_

Before I could say anything, she notices me first.

"Hi. You're real."

Confused, I kneel down to meet her eye to eye.

"I'm real as you, Hon."

"No, Mistur.."

As I looked into her eyes I saw it. Though obviously juvenile, this little girl's features. Her brown curly hair, her blue eyes, her little lips. Even the way she held her ground. It all became hauntingly familiar. 

"You're in Mommy's picture."


	16. Chapter 16

-1"I'm in Mommy's photo?"

An immeasurable sense of shock sent coldness down throughout my body, my skin erupted in goosebumps.  
'She's alive. How can that be?' I thought to myself. The moments of her last moments, played again and again in my mind. I can never forget how that was.

"C…Could you take me to Mommy?"

She looks at me with those baby blue eyes, and she holds up her hand to my own. Somehow, I hesitate.

"Come."

My hand dwarfs her immensely, as she only could take hold of 3 fingers. She begins to take me further down the network of docks. My heart beats faster within my chest, as the clutter in my head attempted to sort itself to the notion of Lindsay being alive and well.

She stops in the secluded corner of the docks, just underneath the fishing pier.

She yells, "MOMMY!"

"Yes Baby?"

BOOM. A voice that only existed in my dreams and memories for the past 4 years, came alive in that instant. I was dumbfounded. She's alive. Lindsay's alive.

"I found it." "Found what? Hon?"

"I found the picture man"

A long pause came from within the vessel. Then from the darkness of the boat, came the familiar color of her hair, appearing from below the stairs. Then complete shock and the clearing of the rain clouds above me, my heart began to beat with a purpose once again.

Stopping where she stood, she returns my gaze, with a broken stare.

"Marie, go play inside with Rex alright?"

Without pause, Marie runs into the boat and down below.

"Lindsay." I whisper in my breath, as I marvel at the sight of her in front of me.

"Lindsay, you died. I was at your funeral." She walks forward to me, she takes me and with her arms, she wraps them around my body. Pulling me close. I felt warm once again, my spirit swelled with happiness. My empty arms became full of the one thing that kept me going on. A missing element of my beautiful madness.

Unbroken from our embrace, she whispers into my ear. "They can't see you here Danny."

"What are you talking about? For the past 4 years, I believed that you were dead"

"We need to talk somewhere quiet. I don't want Marie to hear this."

She takes my hand, and leads me into her boat. We walk past Marie, and a Jack Russell, must be Rex. We walk into the master suite, and she shuts the door. Looking around, I see that it screamed of simplicity. Queen sized bed, and a simple bedside table. And on that table, I see the very thing that brought me a genuine smile in a long time. 

Lindsay takes the picture from me, and sets it down. "Danny I need to tell you why."

So we both sat there, on the bed facing each other. I held her hand in my own, as we began to marvel at the sight of each other.

Before anything else, I had to ask. "How old is Marie.?"

"She's 3 and a half."

It made sense. Marie's blue eyes burned in my memory. It was strikingly familiar to me. It was me.

"Is she mine?" 

She slowly nods.

From the moment that Marie held my hand, somehow I knew. I now have a daughter, a child of my own. 

Then I remembered when it happened.

--  
__

"I need you Danny."

Those 3 words spoke of the world to me, especially coming from her. It's so hard to find that somebody who fills those needs without question.

Without thinking, I hang up the phone, grabbed my jacket and quickly rushed out of my apartment to my truck.

---

I let myself into her apartment with the spare key that I had. Taking off my jacket, I throw it on the couch along with my keys.

"Lindsay?"

Mac had given Lindsay her first high profile case to handle. A woman who had been killed by an abusive husband. Jakes parents had the same disturbing fate. She had indicated that she was having a rough time with the case, but like her true self, she wanted so bad to put the suspect away. No matter how much it brought back painful memories, of her own past.

"Lindsay, I'm here"

Looking through each and every room, I finally found her in the corner of her bedroom, crying into a pile of pillows. She looks at me with those brown eyes, and her raw red face. I kneel down to offer my comfort.

"Danny. They're letting him go. They're declaring a mistrial due to circumstantial evidence. It's the second time. Double Jeopardy. I did everything I could, every speck of dust that proved that it was him was thrown out. I couldn't help her. I wanted to help her. I failed."

Each one of us had a case that continues to haunt us till our dying day. Call it a curse or not, that was a fact of being a CSI.

She buries her face into my neck, muffling her cries from the neighbors., who obviously have witnessed various events like this before. They didn't mind though. It brought them peace to have a detective in the building.

It broke my heart to see her like this, so I pull away to wipe away her tears.

"Lindsay."

We didn't have to speak to know what we both were thinking right now. I sensed it within me, echoing in my mind, and hers. Many times, we came dangerously close, and I didn't want it under these circumstances. Though this time it was somewhat different, I couldn't explain it.

**How long will it take, How long till this aching goes away?**

_The urge became so hard to resist, I had to close my eyes. In that moment, she began feverishly drinking me in. I felt her lips upon mine. I didn't back away, and I remained there, taking her in._

**_How long should I stay? How long should I keep myself awake?_**

_I broke the barrier to the urge, and lifted her up into my arms, turned around and laid her down onto the bed. She whispers. "I need you"_

**_I'm a liar just like you and that's okay. I'm guilty._**

_For the first time, I felt her next to me. I felt alive in places that had died along this tortuous road._

**_There's nothing left to see, there's nothing left to be._**

_There was no going back. "It's only ever been you, Lindsay"_

**_There's nothing left for you, there's nothing left for me, it's all been done._**

_Then she sent me to a place far away. Never in my life I'd think one person could ever do this to me._

When my body could take no more, I collapsed and it all became a blur.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you guys for taking the time to read this, and I hope you enjoyed it. I hope to see you guys for my next Danny angsty epic. **

**This is the last chapter.**

-------------------------------

"When I got shot, I didn't regret one moment of it. Even if it meant that I would be dead, I still would have done it. The bullet is still inside me, it's near my spine, and it grazed the aortic wall. I had lost a lot of blood, Danny. Timing was everything. It was then, in the OR that I found out that I was pregnant. I knew it was yours. Marie was fine, through all of that. The wonders of the human body.

Once I came to, I was in the ICU surrounded by FBI agents. They were investigating Tanglewood, they told me that they had become a menace in the drug ring across state. They were watching your case from the sidelines, quietly. They had no witnesses of any kind, they were either too scared or dead.

Danny, you weren't an option, in which you've got conflicting issues. So, they came to me after asking doctors to put me in a room where they put celebrities, out of publics eye.

_"Detective Monroe, You're a brave woman, doing what you did. Your shooter, Lukas Pavrosa. Killed himself in lockup at Sing Sing this morning. He was our only connection to the case. Detective Messer, though involved, his ties were severed 15 years ago and his brother is dead. That leaves you."_

_She looks at the 4 agents flanking her hospital bed. Without thinking, she asks "What do you need from me?"_

_"We need you to testify, not in court obviously. We can set it up for you. You've had contact with Lukas, and maybe he has mentioned things to you that he shouldn't have. I normally hate this part of my job, but I have to do it. That's what they pay me for."_

_A long pause echoes throughout the room, as Mac Taylor enters the room._

_"What? What is it?" she asks._

_"Lindsay Monroe has to die. We need to make them think that you're dead."_

_"What? You want my Detective to go into Witness Protection?_

_"It's the only way Detective Taylor. You may think that you've put them all away, but in the past few years, a new division has given rise on the West Coast. Lukas Pavrosa was to become their so-called leader."_

_Just before Detective Taylor had a chance to say no, the word "YES" escapes from her mouth. _

_"Mac, Danny cannot know. Everybody cannot know. I have to do this."_

"Wait? Mac knows? HE KNOWS?"

A fury of mixed emotions came forth, as I tried to make sense of those events. He knew the whole time?

"He helped me carry your casket!"

"Danny, don't get mad at him. It was my decision, and he was under orders. Nobody else knows."

The blood boiled to my face, as it became hard to contain my anger. "He knew. He could have told me"

"Danny. You have to realize, not only did I lose you, I lost my family, I lost my friends and my job. Marie's also lost a father."

Marie. My daughter. My flesh and my blood. Will she ever get to know me? Will I ever get to love her as my own?

"I knew I had to do it Danny, they had to be stopped."

She takes a long calculated breath.

"It was so hard for me Danny, watching you at my funeral. My brother, my parents. But I knew, to protect you, I had to do this. My faith in you never faltered, never came into question. I wanted to tell you so bad, that I was okay."

"You called me that night?"

"Yes. The agents kept reminding me, who I was doing this for. I'm looking at half of that reason right now. They stressed on the believeability, and it hurt Danny. It hurt that I had to put you through that. Nobody should have to go through that.

Danny. They need to make sure that they're all but a faded memory before they even think of bringing me back. Even till then, I'm not sure myself that I WILL get everything back."

"You have me, Lindsay. I will wait for you."

I pull her close, and I wrap my arms around her like there was no tomorrow. It was going to be a long wait, I sensed it. I knew that I could breathe again, knowing she was alive. I kiss her, and I kept telling her that I loved her. I savor the feel of her on my skin, the taste of her lips on mine.

I had to do this for my family.

Till then I'll wait.

--

Blue water, blue sky, not a smidge of land in in my sight. It was just Lindsay and I. My boat and I. The sun, warm on my New York skin.

Sailing here on the east coast waters became a weekly ritual, we'd even sail up to Newfoundland to buy salmon on occaision. They do taste better up there somehow, sweeter.

Ocean air, and ocean mist. Cooling my spirit, cooling my soul.

Indeed, it was Lindsay that had set me free. Free to live life as it was meant to be.

"Daddy look!" Marie points off the gunwale. 3 Dolphins, were racing with us, jumping in and out of the water.

"Marie, Honey, don't lean too far off the edge. You'll fall over"

"Marie, listen to your father"  
She pouts and climbs down the rail, she looks to Lindsay and I, lets out a big 'humph' and storms away.

Inside me, I chuckle and marvel at how much she was like me when I was her age. She's going to be a heartbreaker when it comes time. And I'll be breaking kneecaps if any boy breaks her heart. The joys of being a father, I never knew how great a gift it was until now.

Bringing in the rope to change the mast, I notice Lindsay laying out a beach towel amidship. She takes off her robe to reveal one hot number.

I was reduced to a pimply faced teen, as I felt my face grow beet red. She notices me, as I puck up my tongue off the floor. Lindsay could only smirk.

I don't think I could ever get used to her, not one woman ever held that effect on me.

"Um, Danny"

"Yes?"

"Watch out"

Turning around, I see the outhaul flying towards me. Too late.

I see the world turn upside down, as water goes into my nose and mouth. Surfacing, I call out to Lindsay.

"Hey Montana, a little help?"

She walks over, and simply stands there with her arms hanging over the railing. A few seconds later, Marie rushes to her mother's side. Both of them, giggling.

"What do you think Hon? Should we help Daddy?"

Marie looks at me, then back at Lindsay. A slow smile forms on her face, ear to ear.

By now, I'm begging. "Come on, Honey. I'll make you your favorite triple chocolate rocket milkshake."

"I think you should stay where you are, Daddy."

Lindsay shrugs at me, "She called it."

Both Marie and Linds walk away, and all I see was an empty boat from my view.

"Guys? Sweetheart?"

The End.


End file.
